30 Lessons I'm Carrying Into My 30s

Today I turn thirty - the big 3-0.

I’m fortunate to say that life’s been pretty good to me.

But that’s not to say it isn’t without its challenges.

With pain & struggle comes opportunity for lessons & growth.

I hesitate to call anything a lesson ‘learned’ because life is continually testing us.

Challenges & opportunities unfold in front of us, inviting us to act upon what we know.

True learning goes beyond mere understanding; it requires integration & embodiment.

Some of the ideas below are mine, many are not.

Let’s dive in.

1) Staying curious is the path to healing & more

As my parents will attest, I was a curious little dude - asking questions all the time.

Bless their patience.

Only in recent years am I realizing that there’s way more to curiosity than learning.

To me, curiosity is the power that creates healing, meaning & growth.

It opens us up to possibility.

Curiosity encourages us to dig deeper or pull back another layer of the onion.

Asking ‘why’ just one more time can lead to a breakthrough.

In the words of coach Ted Lasso, “Be Curious, Not Judgmental.”

(If you haven’t seen the dart game scene, do yourself a favor & check it out here. It’s epic.)

2) Be where your feet are

For much of my life, overthinking left me disconnected, and at times, even dissociated.

I’d anxiously look at every issue or interaction from a million different angles, leading to an exhausting existence.

Then I discovered meditation.

Through Emily Fletcher’s ZIVA Technique, I learned to come back to the present moment. This changed my life infinitely for the better.

As Eckhart Tolle writes in The Power of Now, “The present moment holds the key to liberation. But you cannot find the present moment as long as you are in your mind.”

Now, anytime I feel the flurry of thoughts coming, I gently remind myself of the mindfulness proverb: “Be Where Your Feet Are.”

With this simple saying, the racing thoughts slow down, and I feel myself return to the present moment.

3) When you change what you believe is possible, you change what is possible

Back in high school, I watched a close friend run the Philadelphia Marathon.

I vividly remember feeling awe-struck and having some not-so-friendly self-talk.

“You’d never be able to do that… That’s impossible.”

Fast forward to 2021, and I proved myself wrong.

I ran the Philadelphia Marathon (and deadlifted 405 in the same week).

With each training session logged, my belief in possibility got stronger. 

Crossing the finish line was definitely a highlight of my 20s, and it brought forward a few ideas:

When we pursue the things we consider impossible, our boxes of what’s possible expand.

When we connect to a mission that’s bigger than ourselves, our capabilities expand.

And when we achieve what we once considered impossible, it’s less about completing the goal, but rather, who we get to become because of it.

4) The only failure is giving up or not trying

I faked an injury to get out of the most important game in my soccer career.

Back in high school, I was the goalkeeper of the 12-0 freshman soccer team, and our last game of the season was for a spot in the playoffs, against another undefeated team.

Anxiety consumed me. While our team’s talented defense had secured our flawless record, my personal struggle with obesity left me questioning my ability to defend the net.

I deeply feared letting my teammates down, and lacking belief in myself, I made a regrettable choice…

I faked an injury.

And we lost the final game of our season, 1-0.

It’s one of the few decisions that’s going to stick with me for the rest of my life.

Not because we lost, nor do I think we would have won if I had played… 

But the decision to give up and lie is one I’ll always regret.

Mastin Kipp, the founder of Functional Life Coaching, captures the essence of this well: “When you are afraid to take action because there is an outcome you’re afraid of, not taking action produces the outcome you are afraid of. So you are living in a self-fulfilling prophecy.”

Avoiding action creates the thing you fear most: failure.

So if there’s something you’ve been fearing, just begin. 

The first step is often the most difficult, and momentum tends to build from there.

5) “Life is a dance, not a journey.” (Alan Watts)

The idea that life is a journey might be doing you a disservice…

Why? A journey implies a destination, steering our focus away from the beauty of the present moment.

As Watts suggested, life is more of a dance - best enjoyed moment-to-moment rather than hustling towards the song’s completion.

Like music, life is best enjoyed as it’s happening.

6) We are what we repeatedly do

The difference between my life now and back in college is baffling.

One would hope so… with close to 10 years in between.

But the main difference is my habits - what I spend my time doing every day.

As a student, I was in a constant cycle: study, drink, worry, repeat. 

I still earned high marks, but I did just enough work to do so (and had crippling anxiety most of the ride).

Now, I live a more holistic lifestyle - learning, writing, working (out), and spending time with my partner & friends.

As James Clear writes in Atomic Habits, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

Our habits - or the things we do daily - form our identity.

Simply put, we become our habits.

Choose wisely.

7) You get to choose how to respond in each moment

When I came across the idea that stress is self-created, I was pissed.

“What do you mean being stressed is my fault?” I pretentiously pondered…

“I’m commuting 120 miles a day just to push paper around” I whined.

Factually, I had a point. But my mindset needed to shift.

How we relate to our circumstances dictates our inner experience of the event.

Or more simply, our perception creates our reality.

As Viktor Frankl famously said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom”.

In each moment, we have the opportunity to choose: 

Do we respond with stress or do we respond with grace? (grace>stress)

8) You make the meaning

The first few years out of college, I was really into Stoic philosophy (thx to Ryan Holiday).

One of the central tenets to Stoicism:

Control the controllable & don’t stress the rest.

During a recent conversation with my therapist, I discovered that our ability to create meaning is one of the primary ways we can express control over our lives.

Circumstances might be random (might not), but the stories we tell ourselves is a choice.

As spiritual entrepreneur Julie Piatt says, “Events are neutral until perspective is applied.” 

Perspective is best applied with intention.

9) Leave everything better than you found it

The National Park Service’s “Leave No Trace” philosophy feels more & more obvious with each additional moment spent in nature.

What kind of asshat leaves an empty beer can in an old-growth forest, anyway?

But I digress.

Leaving no trace extends far beyond the great outdoors into everyday life, and further, can expand to actually leaving things better off.

How might we enhance a situation or brighten someone’s day?

Imagine if we all committed to leaving every person, place, or thing better than we found it.

10) We need work-life alignment, not work-life balance.

My first three jobs out of college were spent drowning in excel spreadsheets.

After work & on the weekends, I was seeking balance… How much did I need to sleep, exercise, and socialize just to “enjoy” my job?

Turns out - no amount of leisure or self-help was going to change how I felt about those positions. (I hated them).

What I needed was alignment - a position that is in line with my values & truly mattered to me.

Now, working for a start-up with a mission I deeply believe in has given me that sense of purpose.

Are there still stressful & challenging elements of it? For sure.

But this sense of alignment has empowered me to move with more purpose, effectiveness, and perhaps most importantly, enjoyment.

11) “The next steps aren’t revealed until you take the first one.” (Light Watkins)

The first podcast I ever recorded was with my friend Tu - a real estate investor who retired from corporate America at age 30.

His biggest piece of advice: don’t succumb to paralysis by analysis.

Just take the first step. Get moving.

As a person who loves planning, I’d love to see the whole vision before taking action. 

But I’m learning that never happens. 

“The path becomes clearer by traveling it,” writes author Lalah Delia.

Life is a continuous process: plan, act, reflect, repeat.

12) Sometimes the wrong way is the right way

I changed jobs 3 times in the first 5 years out of college. 

It worried me for a while… How would job-hopping look on a resume?

Who knows, it’s 2024.

But experimenting at these 3 jobs allowed me to see what I liked and didn’t.

Often, what we don’t value illuminates what we do.

For instance, rigid bureaucracy taught me that flexibility & autonomy is important to me.

We cannot fully appreciate the light without the shadows.

13) Sooner or later, health will be your #1 concern.

This one’s a harsh truth from the legendary health coach, Paul Chek.

If health isn’t your main priority now, it will be at some point.

Why not be proactive with this decision, rather than reactive?

This informs so much for me. Like drinking water before checking social media in the morning, or choosing whether to stay up late for a sports game I don’t care about.

True wealth is health.

14) We are an expression of our environment

This was a hard lesson for me to learn because it’s rarely talked about.

The profound connection we share with our surroundings often takes a back seat to more enticing (& profitable) subjects, such as motivation or skill development.

Consider this: When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower itself.

In the words of Peter Wohlleben, the author of The Hidden Life of Trees,

“A tree can only be as strong as the forest that surrounds it.”

This wisdom extends far beyond plants – illuminating the profound impact our surroundings have on our decisions, growth & well-being.

15) “You always get the cast of characters and circumstances for what you need to learn.” (Peter Crone)

Straight from the mouth of Peter Crone, one of the world’s best coaches, this one is right to the point.

The situation at hand is for your highest evolution.

Similarly, repeated experiences are here to teach us what we don’t know.

As Crone says even more poignantly: “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”

16) “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” (Joseph Campbell)

Without fail, the things I’ve feared most have come with the biggest payoff & most fulfillment.

Whether it was running a marathon, starting a podcast, or joining a start-up, each of these decisions plagued me with fear, yet upon completion, blessed me with the things I was seeking at the time.

A reminder to myself: Courage does not exist without fear - it’s feeling the fear & taking action anyway.

17) “This above all- to thine own self be true.” (Shakespeare)

This line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet is one of the first pieces of advice I remember my dad giving me.

A creative poet & writer himself, it only makes sense.

Learning to be yourself, truly & fully, and sharing it with others is what we’re here for.

Expressing yourself without fear of judgment or shame allows others to do the same.

It's a ripple effect - a liberating cascade where authenticity & uniqueness creates more of the same - in ourselves and in others.

18) Our unique individuality defines our shared humanity.

Despite our common identity as human beings, there’s no two of us alike.

Embracing those differences is a profound teacher of understanding & empathy.

When I find myself confused or even judgmental around others’ perspectives, I come back to the saying, “To each their own.” 

Reminding ourselves of our inherent uniqueness, I believe, is a pathway to deeper acceptance of ourselves & the world around us.

19) We’re all here to create, and creativity is a form of alchemy.

The older I get, the more I believe in the healing power of creativity.

It has been a guiding light, pulling me out of some crazy dark spots. 

This, of course, is not a unique experience - countless artists have transformed personal struggles into transcendent works of art.

Consider Eric Clapton’s hauntingly beautiful Tears in Heaven, a tribute born in from the pain of losing his four-year-old son out a 53rd-floor window.

Or Bon Iver’s debut album, For Emma, Forever Ago, crafted in the solitude of a remote cabin following heartbreak.

As Rumi eloquently put it, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” 

What captivates me most is that creativity extends far beyond the conventional domains of art or music. It encompasses the entirety of our lives - our hobbies, work, and relationships are all pieces of creation.

We are all creators. Most of what we do is create.

Discovering how we want to create & unlearning the barriers we hold towards creation is a fundamental part of being human.

20) “We are always guilty of what we condemn in others. What we see is always ourselves.” (Thaddeus Golas)

The thing that angers you about others is usually the thing you need to examine and/or come to terms with within yourself.

While I was working in public accounting, for example, I was triggered by all the “try-hards” running around.

Only later did I realize that I was the biggest try-hard of ‘em all - desperately seeking validation through strong work performance & developing ‘cool’ interests.

Recognizing that my triggers are teachers of where to look was a breakthrough for my self-awareness and emotional landscape.

It’s no walk in the park, but look at what pissed you off and ask why.

21) What you resist, persists.

Resistance itself is an energy. And what we give energy to, grows.

The resistance to anything gives it power to expand its influence.

Maybe that’s why I never felt right about those ‘F*ck Cancer’ signs back in college.

Even saying something negative about something gives it power.

Trump would not be who he is without the power the people give him through hate.

Fear creates power as much as love does. Just look at the government.

In my experience, when we focus solely on resisting something (& not what could emerge):

• We reinforce our fears.

• We strengthen our villains.

• We contribute to our own suffering.

Focusing on what can blossom, rather than what we seek to deconstruct or destroy, feels like the medicine here.

22) If you want to speed up, slow down.

In a culture that prioritizes speed & progress, I’ve always struggled to slow down…. Sometimes it’s even hard for me to just stop “doing” altogether.

Thankfully, I’ve had the opportunity to work with a number of coaches who have all beat the same drum.

Stress limits performance. Burnout blocks success.

We can only exert ourselves for so long.

I like to think about this concept in terms of sports video games… you can’t mash the turbo button the whole game. Otherwise, your player will get tired & eventually pull a hammy. 

Same thing in real life. 

Research is continuing to show that slowing down and doing less (with more intention) allows you to create more impactful results.

Slowing down is a practice - one that’s antithetical to the current culture - but one that I’m wholeheartedly embracing as I move into my 30s.

23) To know and not do is to never truly know

For the first half of my personal development journey, I’d write down cool things I heard on a podcast.

I’d list the ideas as ‘lessons learned,’ even though it was my first time hearing about it. 

Now, I’m realizing that lessons need to be experienced & practiced with regularity.

That’s why the whole premise of this article is bringing these lessons with me.

As my favorite poet, In-Q, writes, “You can’t learn a lesson until you apply it to your life.”

If any of these lessons resonate - dope. Love to hear it.

Now go apply it to your life.

24) “True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.” (Mark Manson)

During my first year out of college, I read the best-titled self-development book of all time, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.

Manson’s wisdom revolves around a simple yet transformative concept: we possess a limited number of “f*cks” to give in life. 

Discerning where to invest our precious amount of "f*cks is the cornerstone to living a happy & meaningful existence.

In a world fixated on convenience and comfort, the act of choosing our problems is crucial.

When life becomes too comfortable, we instinctively generate problems.

Why?

Because as humans, problem-solving is woven into our very nature.

In short, the mantra is clear: “Choose your hard.”

25) Be detail-oriented, but don’t sweat the small stuff

Ask any accomplished individual, and they’ll tell you: the small stuff matters.

Whether it’s what we put in our body, how we respond to a customer, or what’s in the fine print, the details add up.

In my current role in financial reporting & analysis, for instance, just one incorrect figure in a dozen slides can jeopardize the entire presentation.

Attention to detail creates trustworthiness, and trust is crucial to success in all forms.

At the same time though, it’s vital to not become entangled in the minutiae.

I’ve learned this the hard way, after years spent stressing about tiny stuff that didn’t matter.

When I find myself spinning my wheels and trying to decide what level of detail matters, I ask the questions:

• What is the most important thing here?

• Will this matter in six months? A year?

• How can I zoom out? What does that reveal?

26) "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." (Nietzsche)

Based on everything I’ve read & witnessed, one of the key steps to long-term success & fulfillment is anchoring into purpose.

Why do you do the things you do?

This sentiment is also captured in Viktor Frankl’s memoir, Man’s Search for Meaning, in which Frankl argues that we cannot avoid suffering, but we can choose how to find meaning in it, and thus how to deal with it and how to best move forward.

Based on my experience, purpose as a concept can feel lofty & hard-to-grasp, so it’s helpful if not essential to reframe it into smaller, actionable elements of daily life. 

For example, finding points of purpose in your interactions and discerning where to invest your time & focus. 

Purpose, when approached as a habit, becomes a dynamic & powerful force that permeates our thoughts, actions, and relationships. 

27) The real work you have to do is in the privacy of your own heart. 

Ram Das, a Harvard-professor-turned-spiritual-guru, shared this nugget of wisdom back in the late ‘60s / early ‘70s.

Recently, this spoken-word track was beautifully sampled in Jon Hopkins’ Sit Around the Fire.

The lyrics go on, “All of the external forms are lovely, but the real work is your inner connection.”

This wisdom echoes across numerous wisdom traditions, affirming a universal truth - it’s our intimate relationship with ourselves that shapes the reality of our experience.

In the midst of life's chaos, there's an invitation, a directive:

Quiet the mind // open the heart

28) Sleep tells us how life works — surrender, don’t try.

The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer pulled me in like no other book before.

In it, Singer recounts his life journey, revealing the profound shift that occurred when he committed to surrendering to the “universal flow.”

“My formula for success was very simple: Do whatever is put in front of you with all your heart and soul without regard for personal results. Do the work as though it were given to you by the universe itself - because it was.”

This state of unconditional acceptance transformed his life as a homeless yogi to the founder & CEO of a publicly traded software company and a best-selling author.

In the face of both success & challenge, Singer humbly explains that he “just kept letting go and practicing nonresistance, whether [he] liked what was happening or not.”

This state of surrender is most definitely a practice; one that takes time & repetition.

But, like sleep, it’s one that’s available to us when we get out of our heads and into the natural flow.

29) The restoration of the planet will come out of a transformation of human consciousness.” (Boyd Varty)

The Hundredth Monkey Effect suggests that when a critical mass of individuals adopts a new behavior or knowledge, a spontaneous, global shift occurs.

The theory originates from observations of Japanese macaque monkeys back in the 1950s. 

Scientists observed a young female macaque washing sweet potatoes before eating them. The monkeys around her learned this practice, but in time, a tipping point was reached. 

Strikingly, once a critical number of monkeys adopted the practice, the behavior spontaneously spread to other monkey colonies - even those separated by considerable physical distances.

This phenomenon holds a metaphorical power for our collective responsibility in environmental protection & human evolution.

It suggests that as more individuals awaken to the significance of our interconnectedness and a responsible coexistence with nature, a global transformation may be ignited.

In essence, the restoration of the planet becomes not just a climate problem, but a deeply interconnected journey intertwined with the evolution of human consciousness.

We’re all in this (& better), together.

30) The life we live is the lesson we teach.

Not to undermine the lessons above, but at the end of the day, all of this intellectualized wisdom hardly matters.

New perspectives can help guide our actions, for sure, but what’s actually important is how we move in the world. 

Integration & implementation are far more important than mere understanding.

What matters is what we embody, how we feel, & how we make others feel when we engage with them. 

As the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” 

Ultimately, it’s the life we lead & our impact on others that leaves a lasting imprint on the world (or so I believe).

Thank you for reading

I’m so grateful to be healthy, happy, and surrounded with loving support as I welcome my third decade of life.

If you found these helpful, I’d appreciate you showing this article some love on Medium (below) and/or sharing it with a friend.

With a whole lotta love & gratitude,

Aidan