The 5 R's: Rebuilding

Good morning and welcome back to the newsletter.

Past newsletters introduced the DMH Transformation Framework and the first two steps.

1. Reconnect ✔️

2. Reimagine ✔️

3. Rebuild

4. Reflect

5. Refine

This week, we’re going to dive into the 3rd Pillar: Rebuild.

Rebuilding is the process of rising again after something has been damaged, destroyed, or determined to no longer serve.

For me, there are two key elements to rebuilding:

• A Stable Foundation

• & Continuous, Conscious Action

Let’s dive in.

3) Rebuild

“When life breaks you down, you have two choices. You can either leave the pieces on the floor... or you can rebuild yourself so that you're stronger than before.” – Tess Alley

Rebuilding is one of the things that I find most difficult.

For most of us, it’s easy to daydream or imagine what a new, improved, future will look like– for both ourselves and the world. Just think about New Year’s Resolutions.

But when it comes to taking action, though… that’s a different story. It’s often difficult to begin again, especially if we’ve just been knocked down.

For example, two years ago, I was scammed out of $20,000… Just when I saw the end of student-loan debt in sight.

Although initially devastated, I was quickly reminded that in the context of the pandemic, my loss was nothing compared to what many were experiencing at the time.

Instead of crumbling, I tightened my budget, increased my financial know-how, and learned a really important lesson about what’s truly important in life— my friends, family, and I were all healthy, despite the pandemic. So all considered— the important things were fine. A financial loss was no big deal. The money would return.

At the same time though, I had no idea how I would recover. I didn’t know where to start, much less how I would pay for groceries that month.

Speaking from firsthand experience, when we look up at all that needs to be rebuilt, financially or otherwise, just beginning can seem daunting.

Often, the first step is the most difficult.

The trick is getting started in an intentional way.

As author of “The Alchemist” Paulo Coelho once said, “It is not difficult to rebuild a life. All we need is to be aware that we have the same strength we had before, and to use it in our favor.”

This may sound like a piece of vague motivating exaggeration, but I assure you it’s way more than that.

Over time, I have observed that cynicism is one of the main reasons why rebuilding is often more difficult than building (for the first time).

If we try something and fail, we can become frustrated with ourselves and/or disheartened with the process.

Over time, the neural pathway of cynicism builds and we are left with a wide-variety of negative impacts.

That is why Paulo’s advice is pure magic.

Recognizing that one event or failure does not define our worth or ability, is a huge step in overcoming cynicism and beginning the rebuilding process.

Rather, failure can be looked at as a redirection toward deeper understanding and alignment.

Similarly, starting over can be viewed as an opportunity to rethink our assumptions and recreate with intentionally.

The lessons learned from failure often prepare us to move forward with more effectiveness, if we’re open to admitting where we went wrong and how we can improve.

Looking back on the scam I mentioned– I was able to reset my relationship with money, plan my finances thoughtfully, and prioritize in a way that served me in the long term.

This was certainly a hard lesson to learn, but I can confidently say that the scam actually reset some of my unintentional money practices and allowed me to move forward with a greater understanding of what's truly important in life.

Whether it’s our health, our habits, our bank account, or our society:

What matters most in any stage of building is a stable foundation.

In my mind, a stable foundation for building comes down to intention.

Why are you (re)building?

What could happen if you don’t (re)build? What could happen if you DO (re)build?

How will the rebuild be different from the initial build? How will it be similar?

And what values do you want to infuse in your building (process)?

These are all questions I continually ask myself while I’m working towards a goal and/or project.

After a stable foundation, the key step of building is continuous, conscious action.

As Will Smith describes in his memoir, “Will,” rebuilding is a “brick by brick” process.

I recognize that Will lost a lot of credibility after this year’s Oscar event, which is a shame because his memoir is loaded with powerful stories and beautiful perspectives. In fact, Oprah said it was the best memoir she's read in her life.

In it, Will tells a story of his childhood growing up in West Philly, where his father, “Daddio,” assigned Will and his younger brother to rebuild a brick wall.

Will was 11 years old at the time and estimates the wall was 30 feet long and 12 feet high.

Instead of looking at how big the wall was supposed to be, or how much time he and his brother would have to spend, Will notes he learned to focus on laying one “brick as perfectly as a brick could be laid.”

18 months later, after working every single day after school, rain or shine, the wall was built.

“When I focused on the wall, the job felt impossible. Never-ending. But when I focused on one brick, everything got easier. As the weeks passed, the bricks mounted, and the hole got just a little bit smaller. I started to see that the difference between a task that feels impossible and a task that feels doable is merely a matter of perspective. Are you paying attention to the wall? Or are you paying attention to the brick?” Will Smith

This story serves as an elegant reminder, that when we look at the size of the task we have ahead, we can fall into inaction.

Also known as, paralysis by analysis, inaction can manifest into a legitimate tendency to develop & talk about plans, without actually moving forward on those plans.

I more than anyone have experienced paralysis by analysis, and even still, continue to fall back into this pattern from time to time.

What I’ve learned to be the only remedy here is, unsurprisingly, action.

Even in the smallest way.

When I began my fitness journey, I focused on doing just 5 pushups.

Or 1 strict pull-up… a feat that took me over 2 years to accomplish.

Now, even though I ran the Philadelphia Marathon less than a year ago, running more than 8 miles is a struggle for me. So I’m starting with 2-3 miles and building from there.

Ultimately, it is our courage to begin that makes the difference.

Only when we take action do we make things real.

Once things become real, lessons reveal themselves, and the journey unfolds.

Progress, not perfection, is what we’re after.

So when you’re faced with uncertainty, lay a brick. Take a step.

When you’re faced with adversity, lay another.

Just keep moving forward and learning, always.

I appreciate you reading and hope you go out there and (re)build something this week.

Take action to make it real.

With Gratitude,

Aidan

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