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- The 5 R's: Refinement
Good morning.
There’s a lot going on in the world right now, so I’m gonna keep this one short.
The past four newsletters have examined the first four pillars of the DMH Transformation Framework, so this week, we’re going to explore the 5th and final Pillar: Refinement.
5) Refinement
A few months ago, I asked my 95-year-old Aunt Grace how she would describe her life philosophy.
She taught yoga & meditation at Esalen for decades, hosted Alan Watts for Easter, and fasted 60 days for her 60th birthday— so I figured she’d have some wisdom to share.
Her response was simple but profound: life is an ongoing refinement process.
She describes the refinement process as “doing what I was drawn to,” following her “inner knowing,” and “getting rid of” what no longer serves.
I used to think of refinement as a process of improvement.
But now I understand it to be a practice of experimenting & clearing space for deeper alignment.
The concept of alignment can sound complex & even vague, but it’s relatively simple.
Alignment, in my experience, is a way of being. A way of living in representation of your values.
As my Aunt Grace said on our call a few months back, “The more that I’m drawn to the refining, the more apparent its effect becomes.”
Meaning– the deeper we step into alignment, the more obvious it becomes when things aren’t in alignment.
One of the big lessons I learned in the path few months, is:
The new cannot enter until there’s space from the old.
If & when we follow our intuition and remove what no longer serves us, we expand deeper into who we truly are.
In this way, refinement is the path to continuous evolution.
Here’s the interesting thing though– each person’s refinement process is unique to their circumstances & preferences.
What works for me is certainly different than what will work for you.
Which is why I cannot and will not tell you what or how to refine.
But what I can do, is share ideas & practices that have worked within my own life, in hopes that perhaps they guide you towards greater awareness and refinement.
For example, the past few months have been extremely challenging for me.
Instead of adding in new habits or learning new concepts, I’m embracing simplicity.
I’m leaning into what I know works for me– writing, exercising, eating well, and connecting with good people– and I’m removing things that don’t support my health & well-being.
As Bruce Lee once said, “True refinement seeks simplicity.”
In my experience, when something feels simple, it’s generally aligned.
And when something feels off, it’s time to refine.
I’m immensely grateful to my Aunt Grace for introducing this idea and the many teachers that have influenced this framework.
I appreciate you reading and hope you have a great week.
With Gratitude,
Aidan
Quotes I'm Pondering:
“All education should be directed toward the refinement of the individual’s sensibilities in relation not only to one’s fellow humans everywhere, but to all living things whatsoever.” Ashley Montagu
“These are times in which a genius would wish to live. It is not in the still calm of life, or in the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. Great necessities call out great virtues." Abigail Adams, Letter to John Quincy Adams dated January 19th, 1780
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.” Seneca
“If you get the message, hang up the phone.” Alan Watts
