Conquering Fear by Celebrating Love

Good morning & welcome back.

Have you ever had an event on your calendar that made your stomach turn for months?

Maybe it was a big event, an important sports performance, or a difficult conversation…

Doesn’t it feel incredible when you finally do the damn thing? When you stand on the other side of conquering fear?

That’s where I am now— emerging from the scariest but most heart-warming four days of my life.

Last weekend, I watched my best friend marry the love of his life in the most beautiful way imaginable. Their wedding some something out of a storybook.

And believe it or not, I took the plunge and delivered the first legit speech of my life— a co-best man toast to a crowd of around 300 people.

For as long as I can remember, public speaking has been my biggest fear.

Yet, here I am, standing on the other side of that mountain, fulfilled as if I’ve just conquered Everest.

So today’s newsletter will cover the three main emotional frameworks I used to prepare.

And why it’s important to do scary things.

In short - When you do scary things, your self-concept expands.

When your self-concept expands, what’s possible grows right along with it.

In this way, you create new & more possibilities by doing the things that scare you.

There’s a reason why Tim Ferris advises to “use fear as a compass” and even delivered a TedTalk titled, “Why you should define your fears instead of your goals.”

Please consider this newsletter a gentle reminder to my future self.

And who knows, maybe you’ll find a little inspiration here too.

Cool? Let’s dive in.

Compassionate Courage

When we embark on endeavors driven by the intention to benefit others, the impossible often becomes more approachable.

It's remarkable how the weight of our own anxieties can lessen when we shift our focus away from ourselves.

When we stop scrutinizing every imperfection and start seeking the opportunity to contribute, more becomes possible.

This shift in focus - the redirection of energy externally - has a peculiar way of diluting the intensity of fear. Looking outside of ourselves transforms what might be daunting into an act of service or contribution.

Suddenly, it's no longer about us or our performance, but rather about how our actions might resonate with & impact those we're serving.

In the context of my speech, it wasn't a matter of how eloquently I delivered my words or how calm I appeared on stage.

After weeks of worrying, I reframed the speech to be a gift—an offering to celebrate my best friend, Nik, his partner, Ridhima, and the love that they share.

Quickly into the weekend’s celebrations, I found myself deeply moved & inspired by Nik & Ridhima’s partnership.

They make each other better in so many ways and their love is f***ing palpable.

Leading up to the event, I was anxious as all hell. But then, after seeing them together on Friday night - the fear began to loosen.

Sure, nerves still lingered, but they were somehow quieter, more distant.

It was as if a spell had been broken. Reframing the speech as a celebratory gift enabled me to speak without the burden of worry, letting the words flow freely.

Although I’m not one to judge my own speech, and performances like these can always been improved, by all indications, my speech seemed well-received.

And here lies the intriguing paradox. Directing our attention away from our own insecurities demands courage. But it's this very act of courage that has the potential to dissolve fear and empower us to confront intimidating challenges directly.

Consider the Worst Outcome

This strategy is by no means pleasant. But it’s got some serious power to it.

Taking the time to actively think through what could go wrong, and even considering worst-case scenarios, offers more than meets the eye.

In fact, it helps us develop perspective towards or even acceptance of, the most unfavorable outcomes.

It can also help us take action to prevent problems from taking root in the first place.

Personally, I took extra care to ensure my clothing felt comfortable & fit well that day. This precaution was my way of ensuring that the fear I've harbored since third grade—a pants-splitting mishap in front of my entire class—remained a distant memory.

When I was working through this question during therapy last month, I think my therapist was a little surprised when I responded with:

“Maybe I’ll have a panic attack, try to sprint outta of the room, and trip & fall in front of 300 people.”

Yeah - I’m a dramatic one in therapy.

But nonetheless I’m grateful to report that facing these extreme possibilities head-on played a role in diluting their power, and surprisingly/simultaneously helped boost my confidence.

Cultivate Comfort with Uncertainty & Impermanence

I encountered this insightful mantra in a snippet of Tim Ferris’s interview with Justin Gary.

As Gary wisely points out, life is inherently unknown & constantly changing.

The more we learn to welcome these truths and embrace life’s unfolding, without attachment, the more enriched our experience becomes.

This perspective became a helpful reminder in the days leading up to the speech, and I trust it will remain a guiding principle in the weeks, months, and years ahead.

timferriss

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Why Embracing Challenge Matters

To be honest - the past few months have been a bit of a breeze for me.

Work aside, I’ve found a good cadence of working out, spending time with loved ones, and cooking great food. Life felt comfortable.

Yet, oddly enough, a sense of discontentment lingered. “Why’s that?” I thought.

Turns out, there’s a simple answer: I stopped doing challenging things.

The wedding this weekend gave a surprising reminder of this fact.

Doing scary things provides perspective & fulfillment.

As endurance athlete Colin O’Brady writes in his book “The Impossible First,”

“Antarctica taught me that life isn’t about maximizing our time at “five”, in the zone of comfortable complacency, hedging against fear, loss, and pain. But rather, life is about having the courage to embrace the full spectrum- the tapestry of all the “ones” and “tens” and mundane moments in between. It’s the key to unlocking potential and living fully.”

So, the next time life presents a scary or challenging path, consider it an invitation to dance with your own potential.

And maybe try out one of the tools mentioned above. 😉

Photos of the Week:

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Podcast of the Week:

Thank You for Reading

Now that summer’s winding down, I intend to get back into a regular cadence with the newsletter.

Shoot me a message if there’s anything you’d like to read about in the weeks ahead.

I'll see you next week.

Your friend & supporter,

Aidan