How I Navigate

Good morning.

Happy New Moon & end of June.

Don’t worry, I’m not gonna talk astrology (and only a little politics).

Last week, I took a break from the newsletter.

I was attending an in-person conference for a new job I recently accepted.

While I’m grateful for the opportunity and excited to share the specifics, I’m going to take another week to integrate what I've learned these past two weeks.

I’ll be revealing the juicy details next week — including a wicked friends & family discount — for a product that I believe 9/10 people would benefit from. So stay tuned.

In the meantime, I’m going to share a few ideas & practices that I’ve been using to navigate the past few weeks — because they’ve been rocky, to say the least.

Ten years ago, this month, I was walking across the stage at my high school graduation.

If you went back in time, pulled me aside, and told me then what 2022 would look like… there’s not a chance I would have believed you.

In fact, my shy-ass probably still would have responded with “that’s nuts — you’re crazy.”

But here we are — living in a reality that on one hand, is profound, abundant, and beautifully complex, but on the other — feels like a bit of a dystopian sci-fi.

Forced parenthood in the midst of a baby formula shortage?

Essentially nonexistent gun laws despite a mass shooting epidemic?

Rampant racism, sexism, and ageism?

Elected officials still denying that climate change is not real?

It’s mind-boggling.

Even decades ago, women had the right to choose when it came to reproductive health.

But it now seems like the Supreme Court is on some Benjamin Button bullshit. (Aging in reverse, if you haven’t seen the movie.)

As of today, June 29, 2022 — it’s easier to buy an automatic gun than it is for a 12-year-old rape victim to access a legal abortion in (some states in) America.

I would like to express my empathy & solidarity with all women whose rights have been taken away by the recent overturning of Roe vs. Wade. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this decision.

But I also recognize that as a man, born into privilege, it’s not my time, place or position to share my thoughts on this situation.

Instead, I feel called to share how I am navigating these turbulent times.

Obviously, this recent Supreme Court decision does not affect me in the way it affects women. Nor does the recession, nor the pandemic, nor do the systemic issues that impact the lives of a majority of women, BIPOC and LGBTQ members across the world.

I am lucky & grateful, for sure.

But/And I also feel the collective heaviness, sadness, and uncertainty that seemingly everyone seems to be feeling at least a bit of.

The fact is, though – the future is only going to get weirder.

So how can we navigate? How can we move forward?

Let’s explore.

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can clarify to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own…” Epictetus

Stoic philosophy has experienced a bit of a cultural reawakening thanks to author Ryan Holiday.

Holiday has written a number of best-selling books, such as “The Obstacle is the Way,” “The Ego is the Enemy,” and “Stillness is the Key.”

As you may be able to tell from the titles alone, these books are centered around Stoic philosophy and are overflowing with timeless wisdom. If you’re curious, the hyperlinks above are YouTube summaries of each of the books (from Ryan Holiday himself).

Probably THE foundational principle of Stoic philosophy, however, is deciding what is controllable and what is uncontrollable. What we can change vs. what we can’t. And moving from that place.

When we try to change the uncontrollable, we suffer.

But when we focus on the controllable, we move forward.

Often, we succeed.

A common practice in the recovery community, known as The Serenity Prayer, holds a similar sentiment:

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

If you’re curious about how to determine the difference, here’s a solid Medium article that explains how to do so.

So let’s move on — to when life begins to feel uncontrollable, or even uncertain.

In these times, I focus my discipline on the things I can control.

For example, this past week, instead of allowing feelings of frustration to consume me, I did my best to process the emotions by sitting with them. Feeling them.

Sometimes this can feel uncomfortable, but it seems to get easier with practice.

Then, once I moved through or even just acknowledged what I was feeling, I sought structure in the little things I could.

Organization is an element that’s been on the front of mind for me, as I recently moved into a new apartment. Something about organizing our living space can feel grounding, but there’s a host of activities that can provide certainty amidst uncertain times.

One idea to keep in mind though…. Ritual not Restriction.

Exercise, mindfulness, eating well, spending time with loved ones, or even drinking an extra glass of water. Ritual not Restriction.

Truth be told — the only reason I am not swirling around in a gooey pot of depression right now is because I start each morning with meditation, journaling, movement, and reflection. The duration & modalities of each change daily based on intuition, but the structure holds true. Ritual not Restriction.

As Amy Dresner reflects on the Rich Roll Podcast, “Stability doesn’t create discipline, discipline creates stability.”

In my experience, just one piece of structure can ground you into a sense of self & safety.

Just one new practice can serve as a bridge to carry certainty into times of uncertainty.

Just one new choice can transform your life.

Because of the current state of affairs, I’m currently re-reading Mark Manson’s book “Everything is F*CKED: A Book About Hope. (Link is another brilliant book summary).

In it, he writes, “to generate hope in our lives, we must first feel as though we have control over our lives.”

Although he goes on to argue that hope is destructive (because it “depends on the rejection of what currently is”), I’ll save that for a future newsletter. I still think the above sentiment holds.

Recently, a friend reminded me of the popular & profound quote, often attributed to Gandhi:

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

It’s easy & common to want to change the world.

But the fact is, peace starts within and slowly extends outward.

And one last reminder — seeking joy is not always easy, but it’s always an option.

An Album That's Getting Me Through:

Mt. Joy, the Philadelphia-born indie-rock band, just released their third album titled Orange Blood, and to keep things short — it’s fucking beautiful.

It’s got a captivating psychedelic indie-folk vibe and shares some serious wisdom on how to live with intention and appreciate the present moment.

As the band writes in a recent Instagram post, “Orange blood is the light that rises each morning and decorates our world regardless of what's happening in “your world.”

We’re all connected by this energy and we really are so important to each other despite the forces that divide us.

We put so much love into this album. Our dream for this record is that it gives people a chance to be present and connect with something outside of the daily doom scroll. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for giving us this platform to create.”

Yes, yes, & more yes. Do yourself & your soul a favor — go listen.

And a Few Quotes I’m Reflecting On:

“Despair is the failure of the imagination.” Wade Davis, Canadian Anthropologist

“Peace requires us to surrender our illusions of control.” Jack Kornfield, author & meditation teacher

“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Alan Watts, writer & philosopher

That’s everything for this week.

I appreciate you reading and hope you have a beautiful rest of your week.

Control what you can & release the rest.

Much love, peace & progress.

Aidan