Tired of Your New Year’s Resolutions Not Working?

Happy Friday (and New Year)!

Last week, I shared my first-ever Annual Review— summarizing my biggest wins, losses, and lessons from 2022.

This week, we’ll be exploring one of my favorite concepts, The Compass Question, as it’s become a primary tool for discovering & delivering my intentions for the year ahead.

In short, the Compass Question is an intentional question framework that guides decision-making & creates sustainable change.

Let’s jump in.

What if I told you that you could improve your life with one simple question?

And here’s the best part— your question can be whatever you want it to be.

Year after year, I found myself reflecting at the end of the year, falling short of nearly all my previous New Year’s Resolutions.

For example, in 2019, I set out with three goals: Write 200 pages, walk 60,000 steps each week, and lift 1100 total pounds (max squat, deadlift & bench press).

And guess what? Not one of those goals was achieved.

While I initially felt deflated, that feeling dissipated when I realized that approximately 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, and most fail by February. No big deal, right?

“Maybe next year” we say, over and over again….

Then in 2021, I flipped the script and everything changed.

I didn’t write down one goal. Instead, I deployed the Compass Question concept.

In short, the Compass Question is an intention-based question that can help you make decisions. It’s a simple yet powerful tool that serves as a compass for direction in life.

For 2021, mine was: “How can I show up to serve, love, connect and evolve?”

And for 2022: “How can I show up to integrate, elevate, and embody?”

Answering these questions in moments of adversity and/or opportunity gave me clarity on how to move forward in an intentional & grounded way. Here’s why.

Instead of Striving for Results, We’re Focusing on Responses.

Victor Frankl, a famous psychologist and author of the legendary book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” once wrote,

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It’s one of my favorite quotes of all time. And here’s the powerful thing— The Compass Question can be asked within the space Frankl refers to.

Last year, when I asked myself, “how can I show up to integrate, elevate, and embody?” I found myself taking a step back from the situation at hand, anchoring into my values, and making decisions from a place of intention rather than reaction.

Continually asking this question allowed me to side-step many of the patterns that previously kept me from my goals, and over time, guided me towards living more & more in alignment with the life I intend on creating for myself.

For example, the decision to leave my comfy 20-hour-per-week job in healthcare for a mission-driven & fast-paced startup became obvious because I realized it was an opportunity to Elevate.

Or the choice to let go of a friendship became easier because the Compass Question showed me that 

it was time to embody the healing work I’d done. I could no longer stay in relationships that were not aligned with my core values and were not supportive of my well being. It was time to step away.

Both decisions were difficult. And they weren’t at all related– one had to do with career and one, relationships. Yet, both were made easier & more effective because of the versatile guidance The Compass Question provided me with.

Goals Exist in Silos, The Compass Question is Multi-dimensional.

In my experience, goals are typically specific to a particular domain. 

For instance, the common goal of losing 20 pounds relates to health & well-being. While improving your health certainly impacts other areas of your life, the goal itself is defined by a specific health outcome.

At their fundamental nature, goals are often one-dimensional. 

The Compass Question, on the other hand, is multi-dimensional.

Just one question can apply to every area of your life.

There’s a quote from philosopher L.P. Jacks that illustrates the importance of honoring the overlapping elements of the different areas of life:

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing.”

As the world is becoming more & more connected, Jacks’ point becomes more & more relevant. It’s absolutely crucial that we look at the commonalities & overlapping elements within our lives. 

As you know, time is our most valuable asset. And often, goals compete for our time. 

Would you rather spend your time working hard (to get promoted), training (to get in shape), or dating (to find or build a relationship with a significant other)?

Likely, all three. But if you’re like me, finding a balance between competing goals can be quite challenging.

This is why I love the Compass Question. It allows me to respond, intentionally, in each moment, with the action that serves me & my long-term vision, holistically.

In my experience, goal-setting can be rigid & sometimes even stressful, while the Compass Question provides flexibility and acknowledges our multi-dimensionality– bringing us closer & closer to our ideal states of being in all areas of life.

Goals Require Clarity, The Compass Question Shows the Path.

Have you ever noticed that goal-setting can actually be a difficult process? I certainly have, even as an achievement-oriented Enneagram 3.

Figuring out what we want to do with our lives is supposed to be easy, right? 

Turns out, in my experience, it rarely is. With the multitude of ways in which we can spend time, the simple question, “What do I want to achieve this year?” can be daunting.

Seeking clarity is important, for sure, but sometimes having a tool to help guide us is extremely valuable. Here’s how the Compass Question does that.

In essence, The Compass Question asks your brain a question. With repetition, your subconscious will take that question, gather evidence, and find a way to prove it through confirming experiences.

For example, if you ask “how can I show up to connect?” your brain will essentially run an autopilot program– continually looking for potential opportunities for connection.

It is estimated that the subconscious mind processes around 20,000 times more information than the conscious mind. The subconscious is constantly at work, processing & storing information, even when we are not consciously aware of it. It plays a vital role in many of the mental processes that underlie our behavior and decision-making, such automatic behaviors, habits, and emotional responses. If & when we connect our Compass Question to our subconscious, that’s where the magic happens.

As Albert Einstein once said, “We cannot solve a problem on the level of consciousness that created it.”

When we’re setting goals, we’re typically operating on the same level of consciousness that we were the year before. Or even, on the same consciousness level that created the problems we’re experiencing.

The Compass Question transcends all of that.

The Be-Do-Have Model and How it Transforms Goal-Setting

Generally speaking, society operates within a Have-Do-Be model— “once I have a new job, I’ll do the things I’ve always wanted, and I’ll be happy.”

The Be-Do-Have model flips this on its head.

It encourages people to first focus on who they have to Be to reach a specific goal. Only then, should they consider what they need to Do to succeed. When we focus on how we’re being & what we’re doing, we naturally find ourselves Having the result— the thing we were after in the first place.

Personally, embracing Be-Do-Have and shifting my focus away from results & towards ways of being was a life-altering concept.

Asking questions like: “Who do I want to be today?” or “How will I act in this moment?” helps me to focus on the big picture— how I'm showing up rather than what I was checking off my to-do list.

Asking your Compass Question, in the moment, allows for you to shift.

Out of the brain and into the heart. Out of reaction and into intention.

By focusing on being, progress & transformation skyrocket.

What is Your Compass Question?

Now that we’ve explained what the Compass Question is and how it can be beneficial, I’d invite you to take a moment and feel into what words you want this year to stand for.

Take a breath. Begin with the end in mind.

What do you want to feel this year?

Who do you want to be at the end of this year?

How do you need to show up to experience those feelings & become that person?

Whatever it is, invite yourself to live each day in more & more alignment with those intentions.

Declare it, Trust it, and Act upon it. Allow yourself to be led by your Compass.

When you uncover yours, you obtain a newfound direction in your life that attracts more of what’s in harmony with your true desires and repels what is not.

This is by no means a war on goal setting. If you have goals for the year ahead or still plan to make some, awesome. Let it rip. I’ll be doing the same.

But I share the Compass Question concept because it provides an alternative when goals are unclear or feel out of reach. Ideally, the Compass Question can direct us in the pursuit of our goals or help us navigate as new opportunities or obstacles are revealed.

Thanks for reading.

What came up for you reading about this concept?

My Compass Question for 2023 is: “How can I show up to deepen, develop & create?

What’s yours?

Wishing you a happy & healthy 2023 ahead.

With Gratitude,

Aidan